Statue Day
by BIGlust4Eric
Summary: Weekly one shot: "Accept that some days you are the pigeon and some days the statue.”


**WEEKLY ONE-SHOT CHALLENGE: WEEK #19**

**Deadline: Wednesday 7/15 Midnite PST**

**Theme: **"Accept that some days you are the pigeon and some days the statue."

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"Statue Day"

"Vad fan?" I said as I heard her cursing loudly in the quiet bar. We had not been open for thirty minutes and already she was upset. There were only a handful of fangbangers and tourists in Fangtasia this early on a Wednesday night. I went over to my child and asked if there was a problem.

"No problem, Master. I am sorry to disturb you." Pam said with a slight frown on her face.

I could tell from my experiences with Sookie that there was a problem only she did not want to discuss it. The more time my child reads Ann Launders, watches that bald doctor, and spends with Sookie, the more human she seems to act. I knew if it were something to worry about, Pam would tell me immediately so I just walked back to my office to take care of the dreaded ever-growing pile of paperwork.

Over the few hours I sat in my office trying to sort through the massive mountain in my 'In Box'. Since the fairy war, I have been swamped with supplying details of the fairies' problems to King de Castro. _Fucking fairies_.

When I was in the flow of transferring paperwork to my 'Out Box', I was interrupted by a very agitated and disheveled Pam.

"Pam, what is…is that, vomit on your clothing?" I asked without really needing to since I could smell it before she opened the door.

"Yes, Master." She continued, "It seems there is a bachelorette party occurring here tonight. The bride-to-be has had one too many and decided in her infinite wisdom to regurgitate at the precise time I was walking past."

"Pam, please go change your clothes. I find your brand of perfume offensive," I said with a grin.

"That is why I am here, Master. I am sorry, but I have no clothing here and need to shower since there is vomit in my hair. May I please go home to shower and change?"

"Very well, Pam. I will enthrall the vermin while you are gone; I need a break from all this busywork. Next time, you really need to pay attention to your surroundings better."

Pam bowed her head deeply and replied, "Yes, thank you Master. I will be quick."

As I watched her leave, I got up and headed out to my throne. I immediately saw this 'Bachelorette Party' Pam had spoken of. I'm assuming the bride-to-be was the one with the glow-in-the-dark double penis boppers on her head, penis glow-in-the-dark earrings, and a wand with a penis on the tip. I could tell she and her friends were extremely intoxicated, but it's more money in my pocket. _Humans and their silly rituals_.

After about thirty minutes, Pam came waltzing back in looking vomit-free, but upset. "Pam," I asked. "What is wrong, My Child?"

"I am sorry I took so long, Master. I had car trouble," she said as she looked at the floor.

"It is all right, Pam. Make sure you keep your car tuned up on schedule."

"Yes, Master," she said in a defeated voice which matched her eyes that were still surveying the floor.

I walked back into my office only to be disturbed again before I could sit down. In the bar, I could hear Pam yelling at the top of her lungs. I hurriedly went out front yet again to find Pam screaming obscenities at a cowering young man and his two drunken friends.

The timid young man seemed to be taking the brunt of Pam's venomous words. Even though the customers expect a certain amount of abuse in a vampire bar, this was bad for business. I called for Felicia and Indira to help with glamoring the friends while I distracted Pam long enough for Thalia to glamor the poor young man who was so terrified he had a rapidly forming dark stain on his right upper thigh.

"Pam, I must speak with you immediately in my office."

Ages ago, I had planned for taking care of the patrons who were 'in over their heads' with vampires. I cannot have bad publicity at my bar. Any vampire not involved in the skirmish would come immediately to glamor the humans involved. The offending /offended vampire would then come to me since I am the sheriff of this area for judgment.

As Pam followed me into my office, she was still fuming. Once she got into my office, she almost slammed the door. I couldn't help but smile when I noticed her outfit. Her nice clean clothes were now soaked with beer. I didn't have to ask what happened. I had seen the broken pitcher of beer on the floor. _Time to switch to plastic._ I motioned for Pam to speak.

"I am sorry, Master. I was not mindful of my surroundings. The fool tripped and lost control of the pitcher as he fell and it went all over me."

"My Child, you have apologized more in the last four hours than you have in one hundred years." I gently stroked her cheek with my fingers and continued, "Can I help you with your troubles?"

"I do not think so, Master. While I was staying with Sookie and Amelia, Amelia and I got into an argument last evening and she told me that I would be sorry for aggravating her. I did not think she would curse me. I am sure it will wear off soon. I know I should not have reacted as I did, but he ruined my new pink satin pumps."

"Pamela, I will take care of the witch if you would like but maybe you were not cursed. It is possible that you are just having your statue day."

Pam looked confused as she asked, "What is a 'statue day,' Master?"

I gently helped her sit on the couch so that nothing else could go wrong for her tonight. "First of all, Sookie gave me some good advice the other day and I am going to pass it along to you. You must accept that some days you are the pigeon and some days the statue. I believe today is your statue day. Secondly, I want you to go home, get cleaned up, and have a relaxing evening."

A look of acceptance crossed her face as she rose from the couch. "Thank you, Master, I believe you are correct. Tomorrow, I will be the pigeon."

Pam was walking out the door and paused when I said with a grin, "By the way, Pam, those were nice pumps."

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_A/N: 'Vad fan?' is, I hope, Swedish for 'WTF?'._

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End file.
